When I have lied
When I have tricked, and thieved
When I am clean and pure
When I am empty and broken
I will be so beautiful that the stars will weep, and dim their brilliance.
When I am starving and endless
When I am contained
When I have toned, and trimmed
When I am helpless and wretched
I will be Perfect.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Good two days
Hey boys and girls. How are things?
I'm am 10lbs down, but I know it's a trick. I weighed myself twice about 5 mins apart and I had gained a pound...which is strange because I had just used the bathroom. Anyway. All I've eaten in the past two days is bread....yeah I can't stop baking bread but that's okay I'm almost out of flour.
Drinking only water. And lots of it.
Napping a lot. Plus I don't have class a lot this week so I can get away with eat mostly nothing. Tea has been my savior when I crave flavor.
Why is every other commercial about food in this damn place?!
La. Feeling good, because I'm feeling hungry! I put on a shirt that used to be tight on me and it's loose now, even with my huge boobs. I wish my insurance would pay for reduction.
Keeping busy, and my fav PRO site is always open for quick reference or Thinspo.
Haha watching other people eat makes me sick.
I'm am 10lbs down, but I know it's a trick. I weighed myself twice about 5 mins apart and I had gained a pound...which is strange because I had just used the bathroom. Anyway. All I've eaten in the past two days is bread....yeah I can't stop baking bread but that's okay I'm almost out of flour.
Drinking only water. And lots of it.
Napping a lot. Plus I don't have class a lot this week so I can get away with eat mostly nothing. Tea has been my savior when I crave flavor.
Why is every other commercial about food in this damn place?!
La. Feeling good, because I'm feeling hungry! I put on a shirt that used to be tight on me and it's loose now, even with my huge boobs. I wish my insurance would pay for reduction.
Keeping busy, and my fav PRO site is always open for quick reference or Thinspo.
Haha watching other people eat makes me sick.
Friday, February 13, 2009
How to win against food.
Add: Every food item you have. Consume mercilessly
Multiply: the number of things you ate by two. That's how much you have to throw up to get it all out.
Divide: your time between worrying and hatred.
Subtract: self worth.
I have no food. I have:
Water
Flour
Tea
Honey
Cornmeal.
If I'm desperate enough I will eat the cornmeal. But I'm not. I want to be thin. I can't stand to look at the fat people around me. I hate them. Since I have no food, I can't eat. I have no money, literally, so I can't buy food. Nothing in, nothing out. I've finally figured out how to win. It's taken me a whole month to get back on track, yet still I think about eating. But I can't now, and that feels really good.
So I can whine and moan all I want but I will never be able to eat, not at least for two weeks, when I'll get a paycheck.
Please my Ana Mia girls and boys, wish me luck, and strength. And hope that I don't collapse and reveal to everyone what's going on. I don't want to deal with fucktards worrying that I'm not eating, and then forcing me to stuff my face. I've worked too DAMN hard for this. No one is going to control me, no one is going to take this away.
Multiply: the number of things you ate by two. That's how much you have to throw up to get it all out.
Divide: your time between worrying and hatred.
Subtract: self worth.
I have no food. I have:
Water
Flour
Tea
Honey
Cornmeal.
If I'm desperate enough I will eat the cornmeal. But I'm not. I want to be thin. I can't stand to look at the fat people around me. I hate them. Since I have no food, I can't eat. I have no money, literally, so I can't buy food. Nothing in, nothing out. I've finally figured out how to win. It's taken me a whole month to get back on track, yet still I think about eating. But I can't now, and that feels really good.
So I can whine and moan all I want but I will never be able to eat, not at least for two weeks, when I'll get a paycheck.
Please my Ana Mia girls and boys, wish me luck, and strength. And hope that I don't collapse and reveal to everyone what's going on. I don't want to deal with fucktards worrying that I'm not eating, and then forcing me to stuff my face. I've worked too DAMN hard for this. No one is going to control me, no one is going to take this away.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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