Quickie

Hey girls. The normal. Been stuck inside, been stuffing my face. Too afraid to get on the scale. Had two dates with Perfect and another planned for sat. I really like him. He thinks I'm pretty and radiant, and he's great. Just...fucking great.

Bowls of Grapes

Knowing people is like picking through big bowls of grapes. There are the green and red ones. The big purple-y ones. The round ones with seeds, the wine grapes. So many to choose from and you're never sure if they're going to be sour or overly sweet. Even if they're on the same vine.
I guess that's why I don't really like grapes.

Now. I stuffed my face with spaghetti the other night. The same day I stuffed myself with carbs and starch for breakfast. But barfing up noodles and sauce is kind of cool. Its gross but it comes up kind of smooth. Except for the chunky bits that are garlic bread.
     Metabolism finally caught up with me, so I have plateaued. But went out for a jog because I couldn't stand being inside another minute. Was really nice despite the slush on the ground. Supposed to get a really big storm tonight through sat. Which means no date with Perfect.
As far as me eating goes, if little things not big things. That makes it hard to force myself to purge. None of my clothes fit...well none of them fit anyway. So I can't measure by that. Ugh. Ugh. UGH.

I'm just bored. I'm bored of this game that I have to play around people. I'm bored of pretending that I like people. I'm bored of this whole thing, ya know? Half of my brain is rational and misanthropic, the other half is impulsive and bubbly and loves to help people, and talk to people and all the shit the other half of my brain hates. Frankly I'd like to choose the misanthropic side, because it generally keeps me out of trouble.
  And by that I mean trouble with guys. I don't feel like I'm flirty, I don't feel like I encourage guys, most especially not guys over the internet or playing online. Yet here they are clustered around me. When you have a friend you don't send them cute txts or emails or talk about how cute you think they are. You don't really make a big effort to talk to your friends because they're not a obsessive part of your life, you see 'em around and you chat.
Or am I confused? Because, you see, I keep getting a lot of cutesy txts and emails. A lot of suggestive little comments from friends here and there. And I swear I thought they were just friends and I'm not going to censor myself around my friends but....well now I'm wondering what I did to make them more than friends. I certainly didn't try. And I suppose if they like me even when I'm making an ass out of myself or ranting about some idiot I want to dismember....then that's not really my fault. I mean...if you end up liking me even after I confess to liking Dungeons and Dragons? Yeah....
I'm really fun to hang out with and generally smart when it comes to talking topics. But I don't know how to flirt to save my life.
I guess what I'm saying is, when does the line blur for the guys I know? And what makes them think that I'm interested in them that way? What can I do to stop them from getting flirty with me, and how the FUCK do I keep them from texting me and asking me to sleep with them?! Seriously I've never had that happen before.

Snow and Spaghetti Trees

Today is a starch day. I really should eat before anyone can come over and stop me from barfing. UGH.

Family dinner but I'm almost SURE I can get upstairs before anyone holds me up. Back down to 184 this morning. I hope I can hold on to that. Two days of basically nothing really helped lol.

I luv you girls for all the comments. I have stuff to dish to you.
My former roommate's boyfriend wants me to fuck him....
Yeeeaaaahhhh. I mean I really need to get laid. But I'm sooo not trying to deal with the drama. What do you think?
Also I have a date Sat with Perfect...super excited!
Supposed to snow the rest of the week...all except Thursday

Last night I played some of the best rounds of survival in Uncharted with these two kids last night. They were so funny!
Also played with A later in the night.

A(fter thought section):
So playing online you get the chance to talk to your teammates through a wireless mic. Both A and I have one. Let me get my pathetic admission out of the way. I really really really REALLY love his voice. Like....man its wonderful.
The brains behind that voice? Annoying as shit! He knows how to get under my skin and I fall into it every time.
Now, I was wondering last night as I fell into a coma, what would I say to him if we were just talking? And the answer is a lot, and nothing. Nothing because I feel like I've said all I could until I was blue in the face. A lot because I just don't think he gets it. And if he does he either doesn't care or doesn't know what to do about it. I can understand that, I'm really confusing.
Now A, don't get me wrong, I still want a parasite to crawl up your ass and devour you from the inside, but you disarm me like no one else. You make me think you're this fantastic person even when I screaming at you to shut your fucking face.
I wish to the goddess I'd never fallen in love with someone so utterly wrong for me. Someone who makes me so angry and happy at the same time. Someone who I would do anything for, but would regret it the second he opened his mouth. Someone who loves to point out my shortcomings and live as if the world is his personal satellite.
Why me, A?
Dear god....why me...

Living with disgust

Dear Peri,
I love you! You are full of wise things.
You're amazing,
Love Wry.

Hullo girlies. Today was uneventful. Literally.
Oh...my mom's getting married.

Help me get through this without killing myself.
Strength and love to all of you.

Section of A(sshole):
I'm just a cunt for complaining. But...this guy is pulling I'm a douche like no one else. I mean. He should be dressed head to toe in Ed Hardy gear with a Van Dutch fitted cap and bling. He might as well be Colin Ferrel. Sexy, but about at appealing as a big pile of elephant shit.
Really. You have to wonder A, why you're doing it? I'm sure you're mad about these little blurbs about you, but no matter the space I give you, or the outs I give you, You will continue to be unhappy. Seriously dude, wtf. Who do you think you are? The world doesn't revolve around you. Try, for a second to look at the world where other people exist and have feelings. You're suck a fucker sometimes.
AND FUCK. If you don't want to play uncharted with me, that's FINE, just say so instead of signing off after you've told me you would play.

One day you'll get sick enough of this to just move on with your life and stop trying to have control over mine. My mom did it. And you can too. Really, at this point I'm so sick of being treated like vomit by you that if you were to die today I'd say 'wow that sucks' and go back to my life.
If you're not happy with how angry I am, then stop making me angry you dummy. Stop trying to have the upper hand in everything! Stop being a little cum dumpster. God!
Its hard to be nice to someone who keeps saying mean things about you, I know. But maybe if you didn't act like such a dick all the time I'd have something nice to say. Maybe if you hadn't gone looking for this blog you wouldn't be so unhappy. Maybe we'd still be together, maybe you'd be fucking happy. But I don't give a shit about maybe anymore. Cuz maybe got me attached to you.
Stop being an asshole.

Kisses.