Masochist....And the Journal Fodder

I guess I can't really complain about all the fucked up shit that's happening...because....I let it happen. You know?

Yesterday...tuesday,  felt like a really bad sort of dream. The kind where you wake up and you're angry the whole day because of it? Yeah....So Wednesday was an angry day for me. I'm really sorry for all the drama. Though, you all know I'm dramatic eh?

So...we spent an hour killing each other in Uncharted 2 multiplayer. Good, very very good, therapy.

Wtf right? Who the Fuck do I think I am...complaining and bitching and being an utter nutter. But I can't help how I feel. I hate him, he makes me so angry, he makes me want to strangle him. He makes me cry, he makes me want to kill myself. He loves to torture me, and I love to taunt him.

Do I have an explanation? No. Am I in my right mind? I'm not sure.
I'm still angry with him. I still want to punch him in the guts until he can't move for a month. This is so toxic. Well....many of my relationships are. Whether they be with family or friends. They say victims subconsciously look for the fucked up situations they've been through, over and over again. I apply that here. I don't know whats going to happen, but I'll stop being a hypocrite. I'm sure you're fed up with it too. Sorry.

Anyway. Breakfast was a purge time. Haven't had lunch. 4 unsalted crackers with less than a teaspoon of PB between them. Cups of coffee to keep me going. I tried to eat a reeses cup but OMG they are so sweet, makes my teeth hurt. Down another lb today. God I guess stress is good for me. Can't really eat anything anyway. For two days now without anything in my stomach it still feels like I'm going to puke. Like...when you're sick and you can't help it puke. Tons of saliva and compulsive swallowing. Uugh. I have been up for 24 hours. Its going to be another six before I let myself go to sleep.
Been catching up on your bloggies, and I'm so happy to see KEMPER back! Yay! Also Peri over Glue and Pieces is proposing Triple F. Fat Free February. Sort of like the event we did in Oct. I'm not sure the details but is seems like a FANTASTICAL idea.
Happy to see goals met by some, and happy to see strength from everyone! I wubs you all. Thank you so much for putting up with my crazy ass. It can't be easy.