Owwwwwiiieee

Ah! There she is. Stupid late natural monthly pain in my OWWWWW.

Ughh. Waking up to cramps is one way to make a girl very cranky.

Good news, the grapes stayed down. So did the turkey sandwich and the buttered toast with jam.

Today I went to help my sister's friend build some set pieces for a play the school is putting on. So yeah, back to high school. I didn't feel so bad cause most of the girls in the drama depot. at this school are not pretty, thin maybe, but awkward. I don't know why I didn't anticipate lunch which was pizza. The bane of my life. So I spent 5 minutes eating one piece then promptly had a panic and purged.
I've only had a twizzler and a pink starburst since.

Got home a weighted myself even though I said I'd stay away from the scale. Couldn't get it to give me a number, but it flashed through so many that I panicked again and instead of eating I took a nap.

And now you're all caught up.

Haven't talked to internetz boy in two days. Mostly because I can't stay up as late as I usually do, and also because he's 3 hours behind in Maple Syrup land. Then I get offline messages that say 'god I wish you were here' and its like wtf do I say to that, and I have to punch my stupid heart for getting excited. I'm so afraid I'm using this kid so salve my own grievances with abandonment and not getting enough hugs when I was little. But shatter that theory to pieces and the reality is that I care for him. Not love him, I can't handle that. I feel happy when I talk to him. I feel normal because he understand me easily. I also really want to jump his bones. Sometimes I'll be walking along and see something and all of a sudden I'm thinking about living with him, what it would be like. Its just a fantasy, but a scary one that I'd rather not be having.
I want us to stay as we are without any complications, but it's going to get complicated. It's going to be a disaster.

Well those are my thought patterns for the night. I am reading ladies but I know you don't need a comment on every post. If you're reading I hope you're enjoying. No comments needed but I orgasm a little every time I get one :]